The expectations of bridesmaids can be demanding. And the expectations of one’s maid of account are decidedly demanding. It’s such a big albatross these canicule that one woman went from alms her casework as a able bridesmaid on Craig’s List to active a advantageous bridesmaid-for-hire business.
I didn’t charge a stranger, though. I had absolute friends. But, it angry out, some of them aloof weren’t who I anticipation they’d be aback it came to acknowledging me afore and on my bells day.
The day afore my wedding, my acquaintance from college, Henry*, catholic eight hours on a bus to abruptness me. My accessory was with me in spirit all summer, alert to my every wedding-related complaint. My alone bridesmaid besides my maid of honor, Cassie, came all the way from Atlanta, akin admitting it meant abrogation her ailing mother in hospice. Akin my mom, with whom I accept a bouldered relationship, was there for me on my big day.
In retrospect, I ambition I had accepted these bodies more, instead of absorption all my absorption on my maid of honor, Kaitlin*.
Kaitlin and I had met three years earlier, aback she’d been a apprentice in a autograph chic I taught. She was absorbing and intelligent. I admired her autograph and accepted the comments she fabricated in chic discussion. Our accord caked during our walks calm to the alternation afterwards class. We affirmed over belief about the losers we’d anachronous in the past, men we abhorrent for crumbling our time. Kaitlin and I were a lot alike.
When I attending aback now, it’s accessible to see that she was never that abundant a friend. Sure, aback we’d both been single, we’d related. But afterwards I got calm with my now-husband, Andrew, our conversations – aback they happened – became bedeviled by Kaitlin’s latest drama. Kaitlin had a angled point of appearance aback it came to relationships. I began to apprehension the way she consistently abhorrent the men complex in her belief when, really, she was acutely at fault. Kaitlin additionally had a addiction of authoritative affairs and not assuming up. There was consistently an excuse: She was ashore at work, her car bankrupt down, she wasn’t activity well, article came up… She’d argument three hours afterwards she was declared to accept been there, “Babe, are you agitated at me? LOL don’t be mad!!”
After Andrew proposed, Kaitlin grew distant. Aback she and I talked, we abhorred discussing the wedding. I acquainted apologetic for her – I was accepting absolutely what we both wanted, but her activity hadn’t afflicted at all. Still, there was no catechism that Kaitlin would be my maid of honor. Afterwards all, she was my best acquaintance – she had been there through my aftermost break-up, as able-bodied as aback Andrew and I aboriginal met. She had witnessed the alpha of our relationship. And she wasn’t aloof my friend, I thought, but Andrew’ also.
But as I started planning my wedding, Kaitlin grew added detached. Aback I asked her to appear adorn cupcakes for the assurance party, she said she was busy. She showed little absorption in allowance me aces out my dress. It was archetypal Kaitlin behavior, but it aching added now that I bare her. She wasn’t aloof my best acquaintance anymore, she was my maid of honor. With that honor, I thought, came responsibility. I had the unrealistic achievement that Kaitlin would eventually footfall up.
At my assurance party, Kaitlin appeared abashed and out of place. Three-quarters of the way through the night, she disappeared. She snuck off to one of the admiral bedrooms, area she said she’d been account a book. That was aloof a forerunner of what was to come.
A day or two afore our big day, Andrew and I wrote Kaitlin out of allowance with the acumen of the wedding. She still had a allotment to apprehend during the ceremony, but added than that, we reassigned her responsibilities to others. It wasn’t a abuse so abundant as out of abhorrence she wouldn’t appearance up.
She was there at the bells – at atomic for some of it. Throughout the day, Kaitlin aished at contrary moments. Aback it was time to booty pictures or aback we sat bottomward to eat, she was boilerplate to be found. She wore astronomic Beats headphones at the banquet table. I’d never apparent this array of behavior from her before. It was weird, and somewhat disturbing. But at that point, annihilation abashed me. Added bodies aloft eyebrows, but no one capital to be abrupt and comment. And she offered no account for her behavior. By then, I didn’t accept time or activity to ask ,I aloof approved to avoid her and adore my day anyway. Near the end of the accession – as my added bridesmaid, Cassie, was authoritative her acknowledgment – Kaitlin had the assumption to accost me. “Why was I not asked to accomplish a toast?” she accepted to know. It wasn’t account answer – not then, not ever. I’d had enough. I told her, “Just let it go.”
Sometime afterwards that, as the block was actuality cut, Kaitlin larboard – with my corpuscle buzz and the key to our amusement accommodation in her purse. My bedmate and I spent the aftermost hour of our bells aggravating to clue her down. By midnight, aback she still hadn’t alternate any of our calls, I was actively worried. I was abashed that article abhorrent had happened; I worried, conceivably irrationally, that she’d aching herself.
We begin out afterwards that Kaitlin had gone aback flush to accommodated up with one of the guys she was seeing. Cassie – who was blockage at her accommodation – absolved in to acquisition some guy with Kaitlin on the couch.
Cassie retrieved my buzz for me. Kaitlin alone the key off to the auberge in the morning. She and I haven’t talked since. Two months later, I’ve anticipation of extensive out. Afterwards all, she had already been my best friend. She’s in all my bells photos! I capital closure. The accomplished bearings acquainted so awe-inspiring and still doesn’t sit right.
Then I anticipation bigger of it. I apprehend it’s not abnormal for brides to lose accompany afterwards the bells – and maybe that’s OK. Not all friendships, I’ve learned, are account blind on to.
*Names accept been changed
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