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Dear Amy: I afresh helped my sister accord a babyish battery for her daughter-in-law, “Linda.” Linda’s mother and sister were on the allurement as co-hosts.

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The battery was at my sister’s house, and she provided the aliment (about 10 platters), decorations, flowers, etc. Linda’s mother brought one aliment account for about 12 people, but she knew we were assured at atomic 20. Linda’s sister brought the cake.

At the end of the shower, we were active with guests and accustomed all the ability to the car. Linda’s mother and sister put abroad the food.

After my sister and I done all the dishes, bankrupt and rearranged the house, we absitively to accept some of the extra food. Amy, we couldn’t acquisition anything: no fruit, no cookies, no cake, nothing!

Linda’s mother had taken all the aliment home!

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Have you anytime heard of annihilation so rude? I am abashed of what I will say if I am in her attendance again.

— Hangry

Dear Hangry: These two women contributed to the battery and helped afterward. I would not focus on the absence of their offerings, but I do anticipate it is absolutely accustomed to analyze area all of the extra aliment went.

Contact both women to say, “Thank you for your admonition with Linda’s shower. We accepted your contributions, and I anticipate anybody had a acceptable time. I’m confused, however. Area did all of the extra aliment go? Did you booty it home with you?”

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That’s it. The cannoli is again in her court.

Dear Amy: My sister and I accept been arrive to a adolescent relative’s abatement wedding. As women in our 70s, we are captivated at the adventitious to appear a wedding, followed by banquet and dancing. Weddings are few and far afar in our age group.

However, now the bride’s mother is black us both from attending. Her comments include: “There’s actual little parking available,” to “It’s aloof a big bubbler affair for the bride’s friends.”

I can’t accept why we accept accustomed invitations, but are actuality beat from absolutely attending. The helpmate doesn’t charge gifts, as she has a acceptable job and a ample house.

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Do they appetite to save money on dinners? Will they be ashamed if two earlier ancestors appear a accession for adolescent people? Are we accepted to put in an actualization and leave early? Or are we declared to break away, and aloof accelerate gifts?

I don’t appetite to skip my relative’s wedding, but I don’t apperceive what to do. Any admonition for us?

— Arrive but NOT Invited

Dear NOT Invited: I can accept your alacrity to appear a wedding, but — from what you address — it is accessible that this ancestors does not absolutely appetite you to attend.

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Some bodies affair “obligatory invitations” — these are invitations beatific to bodies they appetite to account with an invitation, but don’t absolutely appetite (or expect) to appear the event. This is rude, to be sure, but it seems that you and your sister accept collapsed into this adverse category.

Any bells that is basically advertised as a bacchanal for bashed adolescent bodies is a bells I would acquisition it accessible to miss.

If you do adjudge to attend, you can calculation on actuality marginalized, built-in at the “rando” table and conceivably actuality aghast — or alike disgusted — by the proceedings. The ancestors is already telegraphing this.

If you don’t attend, you are not answerable to accelerate a gift, although a agenda alms your congratulations would be a accommodating response. If you do accelerate a gift, don’t authority your animation cat-and-mouse for a agenda of thanks.

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Dear Amy: Thank you for your acknowledgment to “Worried Widower,” who was berated by his daughter’s bloom abecedary at academy because he told his babe about puberty, menstruation and animal health.

I was aloft by my father. I am so beholden to my dad for talking to me about these things! It can’t accept been accessible to go over this being with a arrant 12-year-old, but he did.

— Beholden Daughter

Dear Daughter: Love makes these adamantine things easy.

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